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Writer's pictureYgraine Hackett-Cantabrana

7 Totally Inappropriate Films For A Valentine’s Date

(That you should absolutely watch anyway!)



a black and white image of a white woman leaning over a skeleton

  1. Nekromantik (1988)


Not exactly first date material, Nekromantik, directed by Jörg Buttegereit, is a West German exploitation film that touches on one of the biggest taboos in society – necrophilia. Now a cult film due to its transgressiveness, Nekromantik follows Robert, a worker for a forensic cleaning company, who along with his wife Betty, indulges in necrophilia fantasies. After bringing home a fresh corpse, thus begins the downfall of his relationship. The film explores the connection between love, sex and death as well as audience desensitization.   


A white teenage boy is crying and looking at his bloody hand

  1. Teeth (2007)


Squirm inducing Teeth, directed and written by Mitchell Lichtenstein, follows Dawn O’Keefe (played by Jesse Weixler) who, after being a Christian abstinence devotee, soon discovers she has vagina dentata after an assault. A ‘good-for-her’ coming of age body horror, Teeth is also highly comedic, without stepping into parody territory. The perfect film to kill any sort of boner, its commentary on religious based sex education and the politics held over the female reproductive organs is delivered in a biting way, without ever feeling pretentious. 



A  white, blonde topless woman is. sitting up in bed, covered in blood

  1. Bad Biology (2008)


Bad Biology directed by famed Frankenhooker (1991) and Basket Case (1982) directed Frank Henenlotter, is definitely the film that will make your valentine’s date asking what the f*ck is wrong with you. The film follows Jennifer, a photographer, who with her hyperactive sex drive which tends to leave her sexual partners dead, is in search of a man who can satisfy her fully. She comes across Baz, who has a sentient, drug addicted penis. Yes, that’s right. Baz’s penis can detach itself and engage in sexual activity like some sort of manic possessed dildo. 


A white man with a fleshy gun hand is holding it to his head and looking straight ahead

  1. Videodrome (1983) 


Directed by body-horror legend David Cronenberg, Videodrome stars James Woods as Max Renn, a CEO of a small television station, who stumbles across a broadcast of a programme that features torture and snuff. Max soon gets involved with S&M fan Nicki (Debbie Harry) who then becomes obsessed with Videodrome and soon disappears after “auditioning” for the show. Filled with themes of mind control and conspiracies, Videodrome explores the fascination with horror, violence and dark sexual desires. 


A white woman covered in blood is standing in a foggy forest holding a circle saw

  1. High Tension (2003)


Part of the New French Extremity movement, High Tension (Haute Tension) follows Marie as she travels to best friend (and secret crush) Alex’s family home in the countryside when the home is invaded by a sadistic serial killer. Bloody and violent, the practical effects were done by Lucio Fulci’s fave makeup artist, Gianetto De Rossi. A victim of censorship for American audiences, High Tension involves itself with the intricacies of human nature and duality. 


A white teenage girl wearing a pink prom dress and pink paper crown stands with her hand on the shoulder of a white teenage boy wearing a blue paper crown with a heart with the initials carved into his chest

  1. The Loved Ones (2009)


Following the traditional Australian horror movie standard of grim nihilism set by films such as Wolf Creek (2005), The Loved Ones, the directorial debut from Sean Byrne, is a brutal tongue-in-cheek portrayal of unrequited love gone wrong. Highschooler Brent, who is still reeling from his father’s death, turns down classmate Lola’s invitation to a school dance, opting to take his girlfriend Holly instead. This does not bode well with the unstable and disturbed Lola, who kidnaps Brent to inflict her own brand of torture on the unsuspecting victim. 


A Japanese woman with long hair sits in front of a large fabric bag with a black telephone

  1. Audition (1999)


An adaptation of the 1997 novel written by Ryu Murakami, Takashi Miike’s Audition is honestly, one of the most revered horror films ever made. Widower Shigeharu Aoyama decides to interview young women as potential romantic partners but under false pretenses, when he meets the enigmatic Asami, a beautiful woman with a dark past and an even darker present. What begins as a possible rom-com plot, soon descends into an absolute nightmare, containing some of the most iconic, yet horrifying, sequences in the horror genre. Audition is the ultimate warning for men not to be d-bags.

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